Success
Posted by
danelle
Posted on: 04/03/08
Success
How do you define success?
I've been pondering that question a lot lately as I struggle with feelings that I'm failing at my chosen career. I'm an attorney, currently practicing criminal defense, mostly juvenile, but it took me awhile to get here.
I've spent most of my working life (I recently turned 36) as an administrative assistant. I've done a few other things - taught horseback riding, worked for vets. School was always easy, including law school and passing the Bar exam, which I did on my first attempt. (I have some definite thoughts on how I accomplished that; but those are for another article if anyone is even interested).
Now, I feel like the smart girl who didn't manage to accomplish anything.
I have two part-time jobs: My primary job is as a court-appointed attorney at the juvenile courts. I'm adequate at that and I usually like it. My secondary job is as an associate for a well-known criminal defense attorney. That's the one I'm failing at.
True, a lot of it is my fault. I'm far from the go-getter, aggressive, super motivated type. So, I have not put a huge effort into being at court every morning at 8:30 to follow my boss around and learn the craft of being a trial attorney. But, when a morning comes that I don't have to be at juvi, and the choice is sleep in a little longer, cuddle with my kids, throw on some jeans, and wander into the office later or get up early, get all dressed up in a suit and heels, and run off to court . . . you'll find me in bed, cuddling.
So, my boss just hired a new attorney who's running off to court every day and now is getting to do trials, meet with new clients, and do all sorts of other stuff that I've never been given, or taken, the opportunity to do.
I've been thinking about quitting for some time now. I've been here just about a year. I'd keep my job at juvi and be a stay-at-home mom the rest of the time.
So, have I failed? Am I a "success"? Is passing the Bar and being competent at juvi enough? Shouldn't I be doing more? Shouldn't I be putting every second, every breath into being an attorney? I'm smart - shouldn't I have already accomplished much, much more in my life?
How do I find those answers?
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