Feeling Better

Its the end of the first of the last two weeks at my job.  I'm feeling better about having quit.  Though, I still thinks its a little strange that I haven't seen, spoken to, or even heard from my soon to be ex-boss. 

I have one private client that I've taken on.  I'm doing the work  in exchange for potato tacos.  I love potato tacos!  I had kind of forgotten about them until our visit to Oliveras Street in downtown LA last Christmas-time.  I had the possibility of one other client but it doesn't look like that's going to materialize. I talked to the State Bar today about the ethics of my husband and I referring to each other and it looks like that will work as long as I comply with some particular sections of the Professional Respsonability Code.  Fine, I can do that.

I'm looking forward to spending more time with Evan and Ella, finally accomplishing some of the house organization projects that have been lingering, and maybe even finally learning Spanish, 'though I don't have a good plan for that yet.

One more week!

Just Quit My Job

I just put my letter of resignation on my boss' desk.  I don't know whether to be happy or cry.  I thought I'd feel better once I finally made the decision, but I don't.  Its short; really only two sentences: I'm resigning.  I've enjoyed working here and thank you for the experience.  He won't get it until this evening when he's back in the office.  I won't be back in the office until Tuesday.  There's a part of me that's hoping he won't accept it, that he'll change things so I'm happier here and that this time, the promises he's made before will really happen.  But, I'm guessing he's not going to say anything except that I don't have to stay for two weeks if I don't want to.  I feel like I've completely failed as an attorney and have let a lot of people down.

Pet Peeve #1

People who don't return phone calls and/or e-mails have got to be one of my number one pet peeves.  I simply don't understand it.  How long does it really take?  My sister is one of the prime guilty people of this in my life.  Take this example:

She gave me the dates for some shows I'd like to see at the theater she works for.  I sent her an e-mail saying thank you, I'll check on the dates, and asking how much tickets are.  That was about a week ago.  No response.  I talked to her yesterday only because my kids wanted to know if she could join us for dinner at a restaurant we happened to be going to near her house.  She acknowledged my e-mail.  "Oh, I've been sooooo busy.  Just haven't had a chance to get back to you."  Uh-huh. 

I just can't quite believe that in the past week she hasn't had a couple of minutes to respond.  I'd even be happy with a response that said, "got your e-mail.  I'm super, super busy and will get back to you."  How long does that take?  Instead, I'm left to wonder if my e-mail got to her or if my thoughts are floating around in cyberspace. 

I return e-mails even if I'm doing so at 11 p.m.  It might take me a day or two to return a phone call, especially if you're someone I can't call at 9 or 10:00 at night 'cause often its that time before I have a chance to sit down and do some things. 

What's my sister doing at 11:00 at night, night after night, after night.  She doesn't work that late.  Nor does she have to be up early in the morning. 

I just don't get it.

New Article

I hate my job.  But, it is beginning to occur to me that I hate it mostly because every day I go, sit at my desk and do nothing, I am reminded of my failure to take advantage of what my husband insists is a "great opportunity". 

I have the skills and intelligence to be successful but I am struggling with the obvious fact that I am unable to be successful in my current setting.  Sucess at my current job requires an entreprenuerial sort, which I am not.  I am surrounded by entreprenuers in my family and I feel so guilty for not being like them.  I don't know how to be o.k. with the fact that I'm not entreprenuerial.  I need a magic wand to wave over myself. 

So, I've wound up staying in my current job longer than I should have probably.  I'm always telling myself that I'll change, I'll do it, I'll magically become successful.  But I don't.  I go to work and just sit.  I beat myself up for not being a particular way, for missing my "great opportunity".

I'm just so scared to quit, though I know I should.  I'm so scared to finally close that door and admit defeat.

If only . . .

I have the personality to be a good courtroom attorney.  Problem is that I can't seem to get that attitude to show up when I need it.  It comes out at float.  I'm outgoing, competent, in charge, fearlessly speak to large groups, am funny, quick-witted, silly.  It comes out when I manage to get out on a dance floor.  Takes me awhile to get there but, once I do, its hard to get me to sit back down.  I flirt, I'm sexy.  It comes out when I'm alone in my car and a good song comes on the radio.  I sing (loudly), I clap, I conduct. 

I know its there.  Now, if I could only learn to summon it on demand.

Success